Hey everyone,
I hope everyone is well and had a great weekend. My best wishes for the week ahead to you all!
Only to add things for my disastrous last week, yesterday Shah Rukh Khan did not win the best actor award at the FilmFare awards. I am sure you must have seen my post from yesterday regarding it. I feel sad when someone gives the best quality and best commercial performance that year and gets snubbed. I feel sad at that but hey, I know SRK is a person that is beyond awards now, his presence in films is enough to make me and others happy!
I still see no improvement in my personal life and now maybe, it is a mere acceptance of what is happening is creating a wall around the problem. I am not thinking about it unless I touch the bottom of my soul. I know that atleast, once in a day I touch the bottom of my soul and all that pain cames rushing back. It is upto me how long I allow it to consume me and how much it does consume me. It is like as if I am getting in depression and getting out of depression. I am depressed, I don't know if I always have been depressed in my life.
I say that I don't know if I always have been depressed in my life, for many reasons. My childhood was never easy and neither was it colourful. However, there were moments and even months when I had forgotten that my life was black and white, and that my life did have colours in them too. I want those colours back, maybe my constant return back to this blog is the fact that I know I feel those colours for a few minutes while I am writing.
I know that writing 'Paralysed in Evil' is actually bad for me, writing about a character who I know from within, I know how dark his world is...I know how happy he is and how sad he is. I know if he is depressed or not. However, what difference is in my life? When I write that novel it is black and white and when I come back to reality...it is black and white...my both worlds at the moment is mostly consumed with the colours of black and white.
Thank you for reading and I will write again tomorrow!
Take care and lots of love,
Rahul N. Singh
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