Hey everyone,
I hope everyone is fine! I have had a busy day today and I just have a few minutes to spare with you.
Yesterday, some 'clever' person decided to leave some rude comments on the blog, I had to delete them and they were rather disturbing. However, I will definitely talk about what was said on a different day!
It's Friday and I am not sure what to do tonight, maybe go out or stay in and do some work. I am not entirely sure yet. I did not sleep much last night either, which is not very good. Last night was tough for me, as usual before I go to bed...I tend to clear all my thoughts and once I do that...I am one on one with my thoughts and feelings. I must admit this is the worst time I have had in my life. I do not fail to admit that I am depressed because it is true, I am depressed.
This time, I cried because I felt like I had failed to keep something special in my life and that maybe what was special to me, was not special to that other person. I cried and cried and before I knew it, it was the early hours of the morning. My heart felt numb, I could feel my body closing up and I felt like I did not have the energy to open up anymore. I felt like being a closed person and staying that way.
I had to gather my thoughts, I had to realise that the other person has probably moved on and that I do mean nothing now. I think it is time for me to forget every memory and remove each memory I had. Maybe it is time for me to open up to whatever might be in store for me in life. I am more open to death but now I am also more open to moving out of England in the next year or so. I do not want to stay in the country, that reminds me of the pain of my separated love. Maybe I can say that now is the end to what was special in my life because it does feel like it. The other person does not care about me and I have to accept it. I say that I have to accept it but let's see if I actually do! Otherwise, Let's smile and enjoy whatever we can in life!
Lots of love,
Rahul N. Singh
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